Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
