Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
