My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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