the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
