we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ladies don't puke and tell
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
