it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
