dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
