I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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