Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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