I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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