We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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