My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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