He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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