This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
