someone get that fucking seahorse.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
