When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
