WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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