I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize