no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
