Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
