Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
