What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
