I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They took my balls.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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