I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
