He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
