P.S. I can't hear my feet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
