We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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