I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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