I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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