I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
