kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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