my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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