So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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