You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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