It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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