He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
