You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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