No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
