does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
