So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So vagazzling was a success
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
