you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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