I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
