your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
