I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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