I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
