Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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