Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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