Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
