I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
