and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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