party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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