if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
