literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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