Dual....:-)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
