this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
