She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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