Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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