Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
