Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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