I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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