I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
