i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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