first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
