I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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