i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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