I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
