Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
