Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
