He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
