i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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