I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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