operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
